There was a time I used to shrink under the spotlight.
Not because I was shy â Iâve never been shy â but because I was scared of what people thought the moment I stepped into the room. Too much skin, too much smile, too much something. And every âtoo muchâ made me feel like I had to make myself smaller.
You grow up learning that attention is dangerous. That itâs the gateway to assumptions, jealousy, judgment⊠that being looked at too long means youâve done something wrong.
So I used to dress down. Speak softer. Diminish myself in small, almost invisible ways. Because if no one was looking, no one could criticize what they saw.
But attention always finds you, doesnât it?
It wasnât until college that I started thinking about it differently. I remember the moment â walking into a room in a slinky little black number I wasnât even sure Iâd wear. Heads turned. Girls stared. And I waited for the usual inner monologue to start.
But instead⊠I smiled. And I didnât apologize.
Because it finally clicked: attention isnât the enemy. Unclaimed attention is.
The power was never in hiding â it was in owning. In taking up space with grace, confidence, and maybe a little lip gloss. I started seeing attention not as something done to me, but something I could choose to direct, deflect, or enjoy.
Now? I donât chase it. I let it follow.
And yes â sometimes it lingers on a reel a little too long. Or lands in my DMs with hearts and fire emojis. But the difference is, I know what to do with it now. I donât shrink from the gaze â I shape it.
Attention can feel like a mirror, sure. But it can also be a spotlight. And when you know what youâre doing, that light doesnât expose you â it illuminates you.
So no, I didnât want the attention.
But now? I make it work for me.
xx, Marli đ